How Fast do Elephants Run To Pass a Squirrel Safely?

Let's put on our imaginary caps shall we? Picture yourself walking on a slackline. Your balance is impeccable. You are one of those youtube worthy artists that can jump up and down on it, maybe even bounce on your a$$ and back with amazing skill. You're having the time of your life. But suddenly...

your environment changes. You are on a game show and your slackline is tied between two poles on the edge of a roadway. If you fall into the gravel on the right side, it won't be pretty. If you fall into the roadway on your left, well let's hope the vehicles stay out of your way. And that's the point of the most recent attempt to pass a Safe Distance Law in California..but I digress. Back to game show shall we?

The host of the show gives you your challenge. You need to ride a road bike across the slackline at 20mph, on the edge of the road without falling off. At the same time, an electric hybrid Golden Gate Transit bus weighing in at several tons, about the length of three automobiles, will pass you at speeds between 25-30 mph. He will only be three inches away from your left shoulder as he attempts to pass you. Don't forget the gust of wind that follows during and after the pass. Hold on it's gonna be fun! Oh, and if the bus beats you to the end of your line, he will then cut you off. He will have a commuter to pick up at the bus stop. You should probably test your brakes beforehand.

For those of you helping your kids with 6th grade math, this word problem may be up your alley. So as you picture a heard of elephants trying to pass a squirrel safely, what answer do you come up with? While you compute your solutions away, this event happened to me the other morning minus the slackline and riding my road bike of course. Most of the traffic I encounter in the morning is friendly. It's not all roses of course, but some are worse than others.  Having ridden down to LA twice, alongside of Semi's hauling tomatoes down the highway, it takes quite a bit for me to get frazzled. Even this incident didn't frazzle me. True, I'm a bit jaded. I always expect vehicles, pedestrians, animals to make the worse possible decision while near me.It keeps me on guard. But when a bus driver needs to solve a complex math problem involving rates of speed, and customer satisfaction, well I'd rather not be a variable in the equation.

The answer to the question of course, is that the bus cannot pass quickly enough, in order to safely stop and pick up his passenger. Instead he buzzed me the entire length of his bus, and for a fleeting moment swerved right but thought the better of it. I can only picture the driver's customer satisfaction ratings went down for the passengers in his bus likely had a bit of a jolt when he abruptly braked to let myself and Ed pass in the end.

Undeterred Ed and I proceeded into San Francisco. We road past the Cliff House and rode alongside Ocean Beach with the waves of the Pacific welcoming us to the shore. We then cut through Kennedy Dr. through Golden Gate Park before parting ways near downtown. As I rode with the hipsters on Market there were more buses than you could swing a cat at. But they were way simpler to ride with than the local bike traffic. To my fellow cyclists, if I get to the stop light before you, why do you insist on stopping in front of me? This is the repeated dance on Market, but at least the buses were predictable.

Enough complaining. Share the road my friends, regardless of how you roll.